Friday, November 15, 2013
Could be a nail in my coffin and I don't need another one
Jesus. Fuck.
Well, today sucked a giant asshole. I cried fourteen times at last count, and most of that was as I slowly went through each and every chapter of each and every stupid fanfiction I've ever fucking written and demolished each and every single one of them.
Right down to the goddamn drabbles.
Right down to the first sentences.
Sobbing.
Let the record show:
- I really liked it here. A lot. I had fun, for a while at least, but people ruin everything. Fanfiction is like communism: good in theory but totally fucked when people get their dirty little fingers all over it.
- The fandom is a bully. There are bright spots, yes, but they are a little tiny fish outrunning a giant, moldy monster from the bowels of the scariest parts of the ocean. When it starts getting personal, when I'M the egotistical bitch who deserves a giant 'fuck you' for trying to protect myself and should just shit down, shut up, and stop whining -----> I'm out.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL:
- If I was going to put the time and effort it takes into publishing a book, the blood and sweat and tears (and that's AFTER the actual writing) I'D PUBLISH MY OWN DAMN ORIGINAL FICTION. DUH. There is much more of that in my computer, and it's better than anything I would ever consider putting the twilight stamp on. In complete layman's terms: If I'm gonna be known for my writing, it isn't gonna be for the fanfiction.
Thanks for the final nail, fandom.
It's been quite the journey.
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ReplyDeleteit's a beginning - you've been set free. Now, fly, dammit - I know you can and will. loveyoulove
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what happened to make you pull your stories, but I loved them (even though I didn't review very often). If you continue Double Struck, please find a way to let people know. It was a very intriguing story.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you are leaving fanfic and the reason is because of people who have nothing better to do in life than hate on others. I loved your stories and you are a wonderful writer. Sorry to see you go.
ReplyDeleteOh honey...I'm SO sorry you're leaving us & taking your wonderful words with you!!! I HATE how this fandom is falling apart cuz of the actions of a few...pisses me off so bad & makes my heart hurt. I wish you the very best that life offers. I'll miss you terribly. I don't have any of these "accounts" to sign into but I'm Linda Obselka Schiefelbein.
ReplyDeleteAw, girl, I don't even know what happened (I do my best to stay out of the fandom's drama), but I can tell, obviously, that you're very upset, and I'm so sorry, even though I have no clue what it's about. Makes me so sad when a wonderful author leaves. It's crappy when a fandom that can do such good things also does such horrible, rotten things. I feel bad for even thinking about messaging you and saying I'd LOVE to have those "director's cut" PDF's you mentioned. Seems like awful timing, when you're suffering so. I'm gonna send it through FFn's PM's, and you can ignore it if you like, or wait a while until you feel like dealing with it. In the meantime, take some time, relax and try to remember the good times, of which I hope there were many. You'll be missed.
ReplyDeletedebbieinsflorida
And now it all seems too familiar
ReplyDeletelike pages turned on calendars
We get the same twelve months to fuck things up
year after year
And I can't believe how down I am
like a well I'm being lowered in
Now water stops
the bucket drops us farther and farther doown
Farther and faarther doown
Well I guess that you never kneew mee
Or at least not weell enoough
So I fill my gut
with dark red wine
until my brain shuts off
and my eyes go blind
you won't see me there
in that thick black air
Yeah, I'll finally make something disappear
Because I've been practicing disappeariiing
And I think that I've got it doown
This totally counts ok? Also, what Hadley already said, fucking fly B. <3
Well, poop. I only discovered your stories recently. Unfortunately for me, insane activity at work has prevented me from doing much more than skimming a few chapters of Double Struck, and I'm completely clueless about what horrible events in the fandom or FFN have led you to this. If I could, I would kick some virtual ass on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteI'll be back to read anything you choose to share with us on your blog. And if there is anything we can do to support you, just let us know.
Well dammit all, HB, I have no idea what's going on, but sending you cyber ::hugs:: and lots of positive energy to lift you up. You have to do what you feel led to do - what's best for you to resolve whatever is so horrible it's causing you to pull back! Was loving the intrigue and sweet build up of Double Struck. Would love to continue it if you do! Just know for every one of the hateful people/things that happen in this fandom, there are 10's if not 100's times that many who love your poetic words, are positive, supporting, and want you here!
ReplyDeleteDouble Struck is the only fanfic I've been reading for awhile and I truly have become obsessed with your words. I'm sorry for the trouble you have been through. Please don't let anyone influence your creativity. I think you are a brilliant writer-your characters inspire me.I will follow your stories, wherever they go. Good luck with your writing future. Please take care.
ReplyDelete